Assuming Prima Donald doesn’t get us all blown to hell before then, March 15th, 2017 will be 54 days into the Bannon administration (and day one of the new and improved Muslim ban). We know, it feels like three lifetimes. Some bright individuals (sadly not us) had the stellar idea to use the date to send #45 a progress report. We think that’s fucking brilliant and have created some free downloadable postcards for the occasion.
In case you weren’t convinced President Fuckwad is leading the country down the crapper, here’s a list of some dumb shit he’s done and said so far. We had a real time narrowing it down, because wow, he’s one busy prick. These aren’t necessarily the worst offenses, just what we could write without shooting ourselves.
Photo by Gage Skidmore 
“I’m the biggest disaster this office has ever seen. Tremendous disaster.”
January 20th –Dismayed by a SAD inauguration turnout, Ding Dong Donny ripped off a photo from Obama’s 2009 inauguration.
January 21st –Hair Furher, still overcompensating for the size of his … hands, sent Melissa McCarthy Sean Spicer to kick off a press war and claim “this was the largest audience to ever witness the inauguration period both in person and around the globe.” Uh, sure, tell us another Spicer.
January 22nd –“Alternative facts” made their first appearance when Mango Mussolini sent out his crypt keeper to do damage control.
January 23rd -27th –Babyfingers tried to use a pen like a big boy and signed a shitload of executive orders allowing for progress on the Keystone XL and Dakota pipelines, building that fucking wall and – everyone’s favorite – the Muslim ban. Just for shits and giggles he also cut funding for organizations that provide healthcare to underprivileged women in other countries, ‘cause fuck ‘em.
January 28th –Heil Bannon! The Tangerine Tornado completely restructured the National Security Council to include Bannon as a permanent member. But who wouldn’t want a white supremacist in charge of creating “kill lists“?
January 29th –Somebody fucked up bigly in the Dick-tater’s first military raid, where a US Navy Seal and 30 civilians were killed. He’s the best at war.
January 30th –Acting Attorney General Sally Yates proved she could read (the Constitution) and has a backbone. Yates basically said, “Uh, yeah we’re not gonna defend the bullshit Muslim ban.” To which Trumpty Dumpty promptly responded, “You’re fired.” (We think he just missed saying it.)
February 3rd –Wall Street execs could hardly contain their erections when Forrest Trump signed an executive order to roll back regulations. After all, big banks have shown themselves utterly capable of self-regulating in the past. And economic crashes are fun.
February 13th –Michael Flynn resigned as National Security Advisor after getting too chatty about US sanctions against Russians, and straight lying about it. Putin’s princess knew all along and chose to look the other way.
February 16th –Where should coal waste go? In rivers and streams, obviously! Thanks to the Angry Pumpkin signing House Joint Resolution 238, it will.
February 21st –John Kelly, Darth Hater’s National Security Secretary, declared America, “Deportation Station.” If you’re any shade darker than Caucasian, you might wanna keep your papers handy.
February 28th –Agent Orange showed he might be able to read during his address to Congress. It appears he was reading Spicers, but hey baby steps. The same day, he decided mentally ill folks needed easier access to guns, and that there were too damn many protected waterways.
March 1st –Turns out Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions danced a few turns with the Ruskis and lied about it during his congressional hearing. The Talking Yam defended Sessions saying the attorney general did nothing wrong and should not recuse himself.
Photo by Gage Skidmore
“I plum forgot I talked to them Russians.”
March 3rd –Sessions recused himself and the Commander-in-Grief lost his ever-loving shit.
March 4th –The mentally unstable Comb-over Kid we all know was back bright and early with a Twitter tantrum (the most effective kind of tantrum) in which, without offering any evidence, he accused Obama of having Trump Tower tapped. He said some random shit about Arnold Schwarzenegger, too.
Jesus Christ, are you tired yet? We sure as fuck are. We could go on and on (more Russia ties, re-stocking the swamp, conflicts of interest, his douchey face), but we’re already starting to twitch. So, yeah, write those God-damned postcards and tell Cinnamon Hitler to hit the fucking road.
Download your free postcard for Prince Trumperdink here.
